Over the last seven days, I've welcomed fictional people into my board room. It's been a tiring week, interviewing all these prospective job candidates. Last up, it's Jesemiah Acorne of the Sea Witch Series, nominated by Helen Hollick.
AW: Firstly, I'd like you, please, by way of introduction, to bring an object for Show and Tell, let us know what the item is and why it is special/important.
JA: [grins] The thing most important to me that I’m more than happy to show off and tell about, is a rather personal bit of my anatomy, but I don’t think that’s quite what you had in mind is it Mistress Annie? [laughs] No, I see by the blush it isn’t... anyway, my wife, Tiola, is telling me that in your world it’s inappropriate to ‘show’ men’s, er, ‘bits’, and now she’s also told me to behave... So the next important thing is my ship, Sea Witch.
[points over his shoulder] That’s her at anchor in yonder harbour. She’s a beauty ain’t she? Square rigged, 300 tonne, built in London in 1715, so she’s only a few years old. 125 foot long, 60 foot bowsprit with the mainmast 150 foot and carrying 13,000 square feet of sail. She’ll carry a maximum of 130 souls, though usually my crew number around ninety men. She has twenty-four cannon and six swivel guns, can turn in her own length and is the fastest pirate vessel in the entire Caribbean. Not that I’m a pirate now. Well, officially I’m not, although Governor Rodgers of Nassau and his blasted sidekick, Henry Jennings, (who I thought was a friend...) seem to keep foisting various unpleasant tasks on me where the only way to survive them is to use my extensive pirate experience.
I won Sea Witch in a card game while I was in Cape Town, South Africa, only my opponent went back on his bet. Didn’t matter, I went aboard and stole her.
AW: [begins to wonder about JA's suitability]. Hmm. Secondly, I'm going to place four items in front of you. Could you please rank them in order of usefulness/value, with a few words about your evaluation?
These items are: a leather-bound notebook, a horse, a bag of coins, a sharp pointy weapon.
JA: 4. A horse: utterly useless, worthless nag. You’d never believe that something stuffed full of hay and grass could be so uncomfortably hard on the backside. I don’t get on well with horses.
3. A leather bound notebook: most ships have a log book of sorts for navigation notes, supplies and such. Pirate vessels don’t bother – if they run out of something they’ll steal it off the next boat to come along. Many pirates are pretty useless at navigation, first people they want to capture when boarding a Prize would be a navigator and a surgeon. I’m fussier though. I do keep a log. I also know how to navigate.
2. A bag of coins: I’ve usually got a pouch o’silver in m’longcoat pocket. If I haven’t I soon get one. Don’t take long to pick a pocket.
1. A sharp pointy weapon? [sigh] You mean a dagger, knife, and a cutlass? Aye. I have all three. Upon my person at all times. (Well, not all ... I do not think that Tiola would be too happy if I had them in bed...) (Though I do keep a agger under m’pillow.)
AW: I have several vacancies in my global corporation. Would you be best suited to the role of CEO, Finance Officer, Head of Human Resources, or Chief Medical Officer? Why?
JA: CEO? What’s that? Cannons Employed On-deck? Oh, maybe it’s Clever (Charming?) (Capable?) Experienced Officer? Well that’s me. I’ll be good at keeping an eye on the finances as well – able to top up any shortfall if needed. Human Resources? What that, acquiring new crew maybe? Oh, aye I’m well able to persuade men to join m’crew. I’m able to sort out arguments and grumble-grouses as well. Simple. Any dissenters I chuck ’em overboard. Medical Officer. I’ve had to do m’share of amputations. Not a pleasant job.
AW: Hmm, moving swiftly on. You're going on a first date. Who has chosen the venue - you, or your date? How are you feeling - nervous, tongue-tied, or have you totally got this? Who's your 'wingman'?
JA: [snorts laughter] Pirates don’t do ‘dates’, love. We drop anchor and head for the nearest bawdy house. Not that I do that anymore – not with a pretty wife beside me, (and one who can pack a punch if I upset her...) Mind you, I recall being somewhat shy and tongue-tied when I had my first – well, you know, ‘experience’. I was a mere lad, sixteen or so. I didn’t know it back then, but my friend, Captain Malachias Taylor saw to the expenses...
AW: You've been building something - a Lego model, a battleship made of matchsticks, a ship in a bottle, or something similar. Someone you don't get on with smashes it deliberately. How do you react?
JA: I’d shoot him.
AW: Yes, well, thank you Mr Acorne. I'll let you know...
~~~~~~~~~~
The Sea Witch Voyages – come aboard and sail into adventure, danger (and a bit of romance,) with a handsome pirate and the loves of his life – his ship and his woman, the midwife, healer and White Witch Tiola Oldstagh.
“Trouble Follows Jesamiah Acorne like a ship’s wake!”
Helen Hollick and her family moved from north-east London in January 2013 after finding an eighteenth-century North Devon farm house through being a ‘victim’ on BBC TV’s popular Escape To The Country show. The thirteen-acre property was the first one she was shown – and it was love at first sight. She adores her new rural life, and has a variety of animals on the farm, including hens, ducks, geese, goats, dogs, cats, Exmoor ponies and her daughter’s string of show jumpers.
First accepted for publication by William Heinemann in 1993 – a week after her fortieth birthday – Helen then became a USA Today Bestseller with her historical novel, The Forever Queen (titled A Hollow Crown in the UK) with the sequel, Harold the King (US: I Am The Chosen King) being novels that explore the events that led to the Battle of Hastings in 1066. Her Pendragon’s Banner Trilogy is a fifth-century version of the Arthurian legend, and she also writes her pirate-based nautical adventure/fantasy series, The Sea Witch Voyages. Despite being impaired by the visual disorder of Glaucoma, she is now branching out into the quick read novella, 'Cosy Mystery' genre with her new venture, the Jan Christopher Mysteries, set in the 1970s, with the first in the series, A Mirror Murder incorporating her, often hilarious, memories of working for thirteen years as a library assistant.
Her non-fiction books are Pirates: Truth and Tales and Life of A Smuggler. She also runs Discovering Diamonds, a review blog for historical fiction, a news and events blog for her village and the Community Shop, assists as ‘secretary for the day’ at her daughter’s regular showjumping shows – and occasionally gets time to write...
Links
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